What to ask before you pay a deposit

A sober living home is not licensed by the state of California, and that means the quality range is enormous. Two houses on the same street can charge the same fee and run completely differently. These are the questions that tell you which one you are looking at.

Before you send money

1. Is this a program fee or rent?

Most recovery residences charge a program fee rather than rent, which means residents are program participants rather than tenants. Ask them to say plainly which one it is and to show you the written agreement before you pay anything.

2. What exactly is included?

Get it itemized. Utilities, internet, laundry, furnishings, household supplies. A low fee with electricity and laundry billed separately can cost more than a higher all-inclusive fee.

3. How many people share a bedroom, and is it a bunk?

This is the single biggest quality difference in the price range and the one most houses avoid stating. Ask for the number per room and whether beds are bunked. Ask to see the actual room she would be in, not a photo of a different room.

4. Who is on site, and when?

Is there a house lead who lives there? Is anyone on the property overnight? A house with nobody on site after 6pm is a different product than one with a resident house lead.

5. What is the drug and alcohol testing protocol, in writing?

Ask how often, whether it is random, who observes, and what happens on a positive test. A house with no written protocol has no protocol.

6. What happens if she relapses?

This is the most important question on this list. Ask for the specific graduated response. Ask whether she would be put out on the street the same day, or transported to a higher level of care. A house that cannot answer this clearly has not thought about it.

7. Is medication-assisted treatment allowed?

If she is on methadone, buprenorphine or naltrexone, ask directly. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act and the Fair Housing Act, refusing her because of prescribed MAT is generally unlawful. A house that says no is telling you something about how it operates. See our guide on MAT and sober living.

8. What is the refund policy?

If she leaves or is asked to leave on day four, what comes back? Get it in writing before you pay. Many houses refund nothing after move-in, which may be reasonable, but you should know it in advance.

9. Is the house certified, and by whom?

California recovery residences can be certified by CCAPP, the state affiliate of the National Alliance for Recovery Residences, or belong to the Sober Living Network. Certification is voluntary and not required by law. If a house claims certification, ask which body and verify it in that body’s public directory yourself.

10. How many meetings a week are required, and is attendance verified?

Ask whether attendance is self-reported or verified with a signed slip. Self-reported attendance in early recovery is not a requirement, it is a suggestion.

11. What are the curfew and visitor rules?

Specific times, not “reasonable hours.” Ask whether overnight guests are permitted and whether anyone under 18 can be on the property.

12. Can I speak to someone who lived there?

A house with nothing to hide will find you an alumna. Houses that refuse are not always bad, but the refusal is information.

Warning signs

• They ask for cash only with no receipt. Legitimate houses document payment.
• They pay you or your referral source for the placement. Paying for referrals is a serious ethical violation and in some contexts a crime under federal and California anti-kickback law.
• They will not put the rules in writing.
• They promise treatment, therapy, or detox. An unlicensed sober living home cannot legally provide clinical treatment. If they claim to, either they are unlicensed and operating illegally, or they are describing something they do not actually do.
• They cannot tell you what happens on relapse.
• The address is vague and they will not confirm it after screening. Withholding the street address publicly is normal and protects residents. Refusing to confirm it to a family member who has passed screening is not.

One thing that is not a warning sign

Many good recovery residences do not publish their street address. This protects the privacy of the women living there and reduces the risk of someone showing up uninvited. Expect to be screened before you get the address. That is the house doing its job.